There are 2 major problems when it comes to trying to communicate with someone else: talking too much and talking too little.
Sometimes the desire to be heard, to be understood, can compel you to keep talking long after your point has been made. You keep repeating yourself, which can come across as beating the listener over the head. Worse, you keep adding to what you say, ultimately letting too much slip out. You can easily end up saying something you’ll regret–and that the listener will regret your saying.
On the other hand, being quiet, not speaking up, can cause just as much damage. First, obviously, you miss the opportunity to have your need and wants heard. Secondly, you deprive the listener of clarity and upset any chance of balance between you and the other person. It’s unfair to leave someone in the dark about what you want and feel. It’s actually a manner of passive-aggression, of controlling another person and punishing them. The less you say
, the more confused, angry, and upset they become, as you sit quietly, feeling all superior. Sure, you haven’t lost your emotional control, but, in fact, you’re the one being unfair by leaving the other person helpless to connect with you.
If you must talk to someone about something important to you, speak when it’s productive and safe to speak up, speak just as much as necessary to make your point simply and without accusations, and then, speak no more. When preparing what to say, don’t forget to think about a good place for you to stop and keep quiet.